When Green And Red Seem To Make Blue

Do you ever find yourself dreading the approaching holiday's? Or maybe you just want to rush through them and go through the motions and get it over with. We are probably well aware that for many people this season brings up pain, lonliness and heartache. I was suprised to start to sense myself in that category this year. I love the Christmas season, all of it, the meaning, the hope, the light, the music, the quality time etc. and I have never been one to be bummed of it's coming. Until this year. I found myself teary with every Christmas song and decoration. You see....I started dwelling on the past, the memories and the reality of how things are now that left me feeling broken on the inside once again, not only the brokenness but other stresses that kept coming to surface. I went through a few days where I couldn't face the Christmas season, nor did I want to, I couldn't see the real reason for Christmas past my cloudy vision of my current circumstances. I was hurting, and was having a hard time feeling jolly when the enemy kept reminding me of past hurt and brokenness that I have already been healed from.I was not a fan of feeling this way! So how did I get over it? A lot of the time I get frustrated because I know what I'm supposed to do to get better it's just the application of that that is the hard part. But one day as I was driving home from work I was feeling really down and out, things and emotions were piling up. I started thinking about how all the things I was dealing with were a LIE in comparison to what the Word says about me. God wants me to believe His report, and in His Word/report I am NOT broken, sick, lacking or alone! So that tells me that all of those things are subject to change and the Word is not. So I told God that I will believe His report regardless of what I'm seeing in the natural. Then I yelled at the devil, as the Word says he should have NO place in my life, he has to take his hands off in the name of Jesus! Then....I made myself blast praise music and sing it like I've never sang it before. And guess what?! It worked! Then I started thinking about one of the things that minutes before would have brought me down...a Christmas song. God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen, the part that really got a hold of me was "tidings of comfort and joy" that's what Jesus brought when He came and that's what He has for me this season still. Comfort and joy :) And what I loved about all this was my circumstances didn't change, but my attitude did, because God filled me with His joy. The joy of the Lord truly is our strength :) If you are fiinding yourself a little blue this Christmas season, cling to God and believe His report! Give no place to the devil and don't let  him steal your Christmas spirit like I started to allow him. Jesus gave us authority over that sucker but it's up to us to use it. And most of all...remember the real reason for Christmas and why Jesus came and when He did He brought comfort and joy and that comfort and joy is still for you this 2011 Christmas season. Lay those burdens down and be blessed!
"Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased." Luke 2:14

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor,^[a] Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuRu-4OI9dw One of my favorite Christmas songs! He Has Come For Us! (not too sure how great the video is :) )

Me getting into the Christmas spirit for a Christmas event at Church

We matched :)

The pretty Christmas tree and lights Britt put up

Britt and I watching the Grinch....she for a change was the one that fell asleep. Love my roomie sister!

Restless

I work at a preschool in the class with four year olds and everyday at naptime we pat the kids that have a hard time falling asleep. Well there is one little boy Cole, who I probably spend 15-20 minutes patting to sleep everyday. Cole is restless when it comes time to go to sleep, he can't be still or quiet for that matter, he constantly has to be turning over or tapping his foot or making a clicking noise with his mouth. I know that if he would just be still...he'd be out. Today as I was doing my routine trying to get Cole to sleep, patting his back and rubbing his head I felt God tell me that how Cole acts at naptime with me is how I act with God. I will go through something hurtful or difficult and beg God for peace, comfort and rest but I won't be still long enough to recieve it. Like Cole, I get restless and I start to worry and panic and try to figure things out on my own. When all the while God knows that if I would just be still, I'd be peaceful, calm and rested. But because I get restless, the process to peace takes longer, God will 'pat me' until I find rest, whereas if I would just be still from the beginning, I'd have it.

I remember one night a while back someone who I deeply cared for was mad at me or frustrated I don't really know but they were not responding to me. And if you know me- you probably know that I'm not one for confrontation, and I'm not a fan of when I disappoint someone. Who is for that matter. Bedtime approached and I could not stop thinking about this person not responding to me and being upset, I wanted things to be right again before I fell asleep but that wasn't the case. I remember picturing Jesus sitting on my bed and rubbing my head and telling me to close my eyes. And everytime I opened them Jesus said "Do you trust Me?" and I would reply with "Yes" and He would say "Then close your eyes" That went on til I finally fell asleep.  I believe that rest comes with trust, if we are trusting God to handle whatever it is we are not going to remain uptight and restless.

A few weeks ago something came up that brought up a lot of pain and it really hurt me, and I thought it was something that could affect my future. When I found this out I was eating dinner and immediately lost my appetite, because I was sad and I was worried and concerned...and well, hurt. My roommate was quick to be the crying shoulder I needed. She encouraged me and prayed with me and then off we went to a college Church service. In the past finding out something like this would have really affected my evening, let alone my week. I would have camped out in fear and worry. But this night after we prayed I had peace and I really didn't understand it. I remember when we were in the car on our way to Church my roommate looked over and said "It's going to be okay Kayla" and I was thinking "I know! I don't know how I know but I am so peaceful and it doesn't make sense" Church was the same way....instead of balling in despair it was an amazing time of worship, and I just kept reminding God that I do trust Him. And in return...He reminded me who I am in Him. It was amazing. I pictured Jesus standing in front of me holding my face with tears in His eyes telling me "You are no longer rejected, you belong". Guys...God cares about the condition of our hearts, He cares about what concerns us or hurts us. I think that's why I saw tears in Jesus' eyes, because it hurts Him when I feel rejected and broken, and He so badly wants me to know who I am in Him. That's when I will be complete. I'm made whole because of Him, regardless of what this world throws at me.

I just want to encourage you guys to be still....don't fight the rest that God has provided you. Trust Him and you will remain at peace. We serve a trustworthy God, David says in Psalms "Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread." (Psalm 37:25) Just a few verses ahead of that one we are told that the Lord delights in every detail of our lives and that though we may stumble, we will never fall because God holds us by the hand. He doesn't fail us....ever! So trust Him with whatever is concerning or burdening your heart today and get some rest!

"Then Jesus said, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Blessed

I was dealing with a lot of changes when I first returned to Tulsa but wow! God has blessed me. This year I moved into a house with 3 girls and God has used these amazing beautiful girls to teach me something everyday. He has filled our house with laughter and encouragement for sure, there is not much time to feel down around our household because there is always someone right on your heels making you laugh and speaking the Word to lift you back up again. It's amazing and exactly what I need in this season of my life. I love being surrounded by girls my age facing the same things, it's very edifying! God has blessed me in a big way with my new Oklahoma family, I am very thankful for these sisters!

Brinni and I on picture day :) She was my roommate last year and one of them this year as well. Definately a blessing to me!

Harmony and I at dinner. One of my new roommates and the one I share a room with.

Brittney and I at dinner as well. Yep, two Britt's in one house plus a sister back home named Brittany. A lot of Brits but they are all such a blessing to me!

This is our kitchen at our new house :) I was excited that it was painted red because I've always wanted a red kitchen

Our living room, nothing on the walls yet but we will get there. Those couches are super comfy!

My side of Harmony and I's room :)

My other half

This is my new favorite place in Tulsa, the resevoir. There is a 2 and a half mile track that goes around it and it is beautiful. It's great for exercise and some Jesus time!

The field on the other side of the track at the resevoir

Saw this on the track at the resevoir while I was walking. I love when God shows me random hearts :) He loves!

All in all things are going great here, school registration and orientation started this week, so it won't be long and I will be back in the classroom. I am excited to see what God has in store this year, He keeps bringng up the word "amazed" to me. It's time to be amazed by an AMAZING God! Lately I have been struggling with something I have in my heart that has been rejected, I look at it as a box that wants to give, bless and love, but that box has been rejected and I have been asking God what to do with that "box". How can you give, love and bless someone or something that has turned away from it. I guess it kind of mirrors God's love, He gives to, blesses and LOVES even the ones that reject Him. Wow! He is a strong loving God. Anyways God reminded me of something He told me a while back which was "you just love and I will take care of the rest" so that's the plan. As I was unpacking my things I kept finding random prayers in notebooks that I had written and in the last one I found I had thanked God for the call to love. It was a great reminder, we have been called to love period, whether that love be received or rejected we are to give it. And I believe we will reap a blessing if we press on and continue to walk in the call to love, even when its' hard. Last night at Church the message had spoke to me so much. It was about how the steps we take today are going to determine our destination tomorrow. They were reminding us that "direction not intention determines destination". They had brought up how even sometimes we may be taking the right steps and are on the right path but we are not yet seeing the results but to NOT give up because it's just around the corner! What encouragement! During prayer time I had decided to give that "box" of love in my heart to God, I will strive to give, bless and love Him, His name can go on that box. And I felt God tell me "Kayla, I am commited to you, I want you and I will never reject your love for me, but will always welcome it with open arms." I know a lot of the times we need to keep ourselves in check on if we are commited to God which is good but I guess I hadn't really thought of how God is commited to me. As girls I believe we long for commitment and when someone breaks that it really shakes us BUT God has made a commitment with me and He won't walk away from it. That's True Love right there!

Be blessed my friends, and walk in what God has for you today! He promised it to be good!

Changes and Goodbyes

Well I'm back in Oklahoma now, stuff is moved in our house and now the task at hand is unpacking. Even though I was here last year much has changed. And I have found that I am one that (depending on what they are) is not the most fond of change. I'm learning what it's like to have roots down in more than one place, and how I need to strive to be intentional with the people I come across and then have the pain of leaving them once I move. I'm someone who needs people (let's be honest: we all do) and I get attached easily so it's hard to say goodbye. As much as goodbyes and changes are uncomfortable I feel they are going to be a part of my life for some time. I feel called to ministry and to take oppurtunites that God puts in my path. At this point in time I don't quite know what that looks like, could be the mission field overseas, a stateside ministry or just joining my spouse in the minstry God is calling us to. With any of these there could be change, but what I'm pumped about is that as much as change and goodbyes are hard to adjust to God's strength works best in my weaknesses! I love that! Also, I can do all things through Christ so even when the calling seems hard and unreachable it is possible because of Jesus! I'm entering my second and last year of Bible school, with this I find myself excited about the oppurtunites that I am going to get to walk in after this school year. Again, I have no idea what they will be but I'm confident that God will show me in His perfect timing. The question isn't if I'm called, but more so where to. The unknown is exciting and yet a little nerve wrecking at the same time :) but I don't have to fear, just walk in obedience and then I will be walking right into what God has for me. 
One of my friends always talks about being intentional, and I think God taught me this summer what that really looks like. It also became on of the reasons it made it hard to leave again, new relationships were started and old ones were strengthened. Now, it's time to uplift roots for a little while and be intentional in good ole Broken Arrow Oklahoma. I don't want to waste any time or oppurtunity that God gives me here. I think I finally get that now :) We always talk about loving God and loving people and it's time to put that into action. I know how much in my own life I crave relationships with people, God made us that way, so I want to be a tool that God uses in someone elses life. (haha side note: sitting in a restaurant and this little boy keeps leaving his mom to come stand by me and smile. :) adorable kid lol) So let's not forget that two are better than one, we are here for purpose and a lot of that purpose if not all of it has to do with people :)

 ⁹ Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Kind of a random post but it was what has been going on in my head these past few days :)

When I got to tulsa yesterday I was feeling a plethera of emotions and a bit overwhelmed, then I saw the rays shining down from these clouds and just felt peace come over me. God was reminding me that He is near :)

Multiplier of Love

The other day when I was washing my hair I had the radio on and the song "Whatever You're doing" by Sanctus Real was playing. The chorus says "Whatever You're dong inside of me/ It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace/ It's hard to surrender to what I can't see/ but I'm giving in to something Heavenly"  which I love, then the end of the song picks up and the lyrics are "Whatever You're doing inside of me/ It feels like chaos but now I can see/ You're up to something bigger than me/ Larger than life, something Heavenly" About this time I was squirting conditioner in my hand, and the conditioner now in my hand came out in the shape of a heart which I thought was cool, with my next few squirts of conditioner I figured it would mess the heart up, but no....the heart just got bigger! I felt God was saying "See Kayla, I'm always a muliplier of love"  And even though sometimes whatever is going on in me seems like chaos and I don't quite understand, I don't have to fear because God is Love, and His perfect love is casting out all fear. The result will  be good  because my God is a  multipliier of love and He's up to something bigger than me! :) Just when I thought the conditioner heart would mess up, He multiplied it, that's quite applicable for me today. When I"m at a point where I think things are messy, He makes beauty out of it. :)

"And we know (understand, recognize, are conscious of, by observation and by experience) and believe (adhere to and put faith in and rely on) the love God cherishes for us. God is love, and he who dwells and continues in love dwells and continues in God, and God dwells and continues in him." 1 John 4:16 amplified

-It's not the same heart God made the other day :)

Rise up and walk!

I love when God reminds us of something He told us in the past to help us in the now. I was having one of those days that I was allowing the past to come back up and hurt me, it made me feel like I was lacking, not good enough and simply broken. These thoughts brought me back to a hurt place that I was in the beginning of the summer, and I am not a fan of backsliding so praise God for Him pulling me back up! At one point in my day as I hung my head God simply said in my spirit "Rise up and walk daughter!" :) This is cool because in the beginning of the summer as I was going through a hurtful time I remember God tugging on my heart and saying "It doesn't matter if you missed it or if they missed it. You are not missing it now because you're walking in step with Me and I never miss it! I have you in the right place at the right time and you are going to get the right result! You are moving forward and it's your turn, it's your turn, it's your turn! To rise up and walk in what I have for you!" God was showing me that I couldn't walk in what He had for me if my face was to the floor in despair. And He reminded me of that again today- it doesn't matter what the circumstance looks like in the natural, God already promised the future to be good, He promised to never leave us and to never fail us. If we trust Him, there's no way we can lose! So let's stand up, so that we can walk in what our loving Father has set before us! He promised it to be good! Don't get tripped up in the traps that the enemy tries to put before you. My spiritual mentor reminded me today that satan may prowl around like a lion seeking whom he may devour but we cannot forget that Jesus already took his teeth and claws away! What kind of harm is a lion with no teeth and claws? It's roar may be frightening, it's size intimidating, it may even knock you down, but with no weapons it can't keep you there! The emotional hurt I was feeling today and the eye doctor report I received last week were just a loud roar from the enemy, haha but he can't hurt me! he is just trying to distract me to take my eyes off my King, and clothe me with fear, but no! he can't do what we won't allow him to do! God gave us victory over that sucker! So like my mentor said to me today "stand up and brush that junk off your back and get your eyes back on Jesus!" Rise up and walk!

" Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path." Proverbs 4:25-26

Matchless Love

Today as I was driving home God reminded me of a time this past year when I was worshipping to "How He Loves" in Church. It was a cool time because God was revealing to me in a way that I could better understand how amazingly deep His love is for me. At the time I was in a relationship with someone that I felt I had a love for that could never stop, God was asking me to think about how much I love that person, and how much I wanted to give to and bless that person. It was easy to recall and then God said "your love for him, as great as it may feel does not even hold a candle to the love I have for you daughter, it cannot even compare to it." I couldn't measure someone elses love for me but I could however better understand my love for someone else, I knew how much I loved that person, God knew too, thats why He used that to show me. The greatest love I can give someone can not even come close to the love God has for me, it is a radical, unconditional, matchless love! I'm glad God reminded me of that worship experience today, it wasn't just for that time :) He so knows us! So relax in God's matchless love for you, it's hard to get your mind around, but it's there.

¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:18-19

My Defender

"Come with great power, O God, and rescue me! Defend me with Your might." Psalm 54:1

I heard a song today that says "I trust in Jesus, my Great Deliver, My Strong Defender, the Son of God" The name defender stuck with me, I've known God is our defender but it was perfect timing for me to be reminded. It has been an emotional week, one where I kept feeling like I was being knocked down just as soon as I would stand back up from the last time. Struggled with feeling like I was allowing these things to happen, to just take another blow and become passive to it. But it is time that stops! Yeah things are going to happen, people are going to let you down, say hurtful things, things may not seem to go right at times , etc. BUT God does not want us to stay in that place of hurt with our face to the floor. He is our defender! He has given us the weapons needed to fight the enemy and those negative emotions he tries to throw on us. I was reading about Jehoshaphat today in a Bible study book I'm doing and was reminded once again that God defends His people, He does NOT make them go out to battle alone. 2 Chronicles 20 says “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. ¹⁶ Tomorrow, march out against them. You will find them coming up through the ascent of Ziz at the end of the valley that opens into the wilderness of Jeruel. ¹⁷ But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” Haha, if God never changes and this is how He handled a battle Jehoshaphat was facing I believe this is how he helps us when we seem to be facing a battle. He tells us to not be discouraged or afraid, we will not even have to fight, but to stand still and firm in faith and watch God's victory, He is with us! Hallelujah. I like the next verses as well, something too that I believe is essential when we are facing a battle. We need to come to a place of praise and thanksgiving. “Listen to me, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Believe in the Lord your God, and you will be able to stand firm. Believe in his prophets, and you will succeed.”
 ²¹ After consulting the people, the king appointed singers to walk ahead of the army, singing to the Lord and praising him for his holy splendor. This is what they sang:
   “Give thanks to the Lord;
      his faithful love endures forever!”
 ²² At the very moment they began to sing and give praise, the Lord caused the armies of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir to start fighting among themselves.

This is awesome. They praised God BEFORE the battle was won :)  I love how Jehoshaphat tells them to believe God, then they will be able to stand firm. How true! God is more than able to handle the battle you are up against, so stop trying to fight it yourself, stand still and watch God deliver you and bring victory. Believe God, stand firm in faith and praise Him, for He is entirely faithful and always good :) He is your defender, so trust Him to defend, and use the Word as your weapon to fight that enemy, don't let him deceive you to thinking you have to stay in a low place of disappointment because it's not true! Stand on the Word and get out of that low place, don't let satan steal abundant life from you. Rest in God and His total peace and unconditional love, walk in what He has for you. And you can't walk in what He has for you if your face is to the floor in despair. Stand up and walk, good is ahead so get excited!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6koz1p2Q6Bw Trust In Jesus by Thrid Day

You are forgiven, loved and free!

Do you sometimes feel trapped by the same old sin? Living in guilt because it keeps coming to surface? That's been me the past couple weeks, allowing empty things to attempt to fill me just to leave me filling more empty than before. It's hard not to beat yourself up over it and we tend to camp out in a guilty place for a while.  But that is not  what our loving God wants from us when we find ourselves slipping up. He doesn't need us to live in guilt and depression just so that He can see that we know we were wrong. He wants us to live in victory over sin, and in the Truth of His Word that when you repent you are indeed set free and forgiven. John 8:36 says "So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free." You are free! So let that sin go, move out of the camp of condemnation and guilt and live in the loving freedom that God has lavished on you! There is nothing that you have done that is going to keep God from loving you, theres no sin you have commited that is too big for Him to forgive Psalm 103:3 says "He forgives ALL my sins and heals ALL my diseases." All means all! That's good news! I know what you are thinking...how can God love and forgive me after all the things I have done? Right? My answer to that is- He is Love! He knew we would mess up so He sent His Son as a sacrifice for us, Jesus took the punishment we deserved upon Himself. God didn't do that for no reason, so of course He is going to love and forgive you now, He already bought you with a price! You are valuable to Him. Zephaniah 3:17 says "The LORD your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing." (amplified version) Well there you have it- that past sin and guilt you have been consumed by and let get you down is FORGOTTEN in the eyes of God! He will not bring it up and He will not recall it! If you have repented it's a done deal, you are forgiven, you are loved and you are free! So don't let satan steal your joy, God made you good. I heard before if the enemy keeps reminding you of your past; remind him of his future! he doesn't win!! God always causes His kids to triumph, so walk in the victory He gave you over sin! And renew you mind, and then renew it again, so that you won't become victim to falling into that old sin. Romans 12 reminds us that we put on our "new person" by the renewing of our minds, so "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8. This means we are going to have to say no to some thoughts, shut them down and take them captive, replace them with praise. In Isaiah 26 its says that God keeps in perfect peace those whose thoughts are fixed on Him. And I don't know about you, but I desire perfect peace! ""So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Romans 8:6. Walk in that peace friends!

"Purity me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7

"But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9

"In this way, He disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by His victory over them on the cross." Colossians 2:15

Are you waiting?

 Waiting. Definately something we all have to do and something we all probably don't like doing so much. It may seem that there is always something we are waiting on- a dream to be fulfilled, a promise to come to pass, a goal achieved, brokenness to be mended etc. One day in the midst of my waiting I felt God ask me how I would act or respond if I knew the answer were to come sooner than later, today rather than tomorrow?  I responded with well I would act and walk in faith! It's easier to act in faith when we have a confidence that the answer is right around the corner. And that may even be the case, but for those times that we wait and wait a little bit longer we still need to walkin faith just as if we were promised the answer today. Why can we be confident and walk in faith? 1 John 5 14 says "And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for." Psalm 89:8b says "You are entierly faithful."  We can be confident and walk in fath in the midst of waiting because we know we serve an entirely faithful God who hears His kids when they pray. Not only can we be confident that He hears us but we can have confidence that He will answer us. What good news! There's no such thing as an empty promise with God! So rest in Him, and enjoy the waiting season while you're in it. I'm confident there are things God will reveal to you there.

"Yet I am confident I will see the LORD'S goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." Psalm 27:13-14

"Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus!

So, do you have those times when you feel God keeps bringing something to your attention? It has been like that with me the past few days. Several times now God has reminded me to keep my eyes on Him rather than my circumstance. Like with Peter walking on water, when his focus was on Jesus and the word He had spoken "Come", Peter had faith to walk on the water. But when he took his eyes off of Jesus and his attention diverted from the word He had spoken, fear slipped in and Peter began to sink. Peter got distracted by the wind and the waves and started to focus more on the "issue" than His God. All Peter had to do was turn his eyes back to Jesus call out for help and Jesus immediately responded and Peter gained his faith back again. I think this is exactly what we do, atleast me anyways. We find a Word to stand on and keep our eyes focused on Jesus until the fear of our circumstance grips us. We get distracted by the problems and whats going on, and begin to look at the circumstance more than we look at our God, the cicumstance then becomes magnified, and we feel stuck and don't know how to handle it. When Jesus is asking us to fix our eyes on Him, the circumstance may be there yes, but if our focus is on Him, He will lead us and show us how to handle it. He will strengthen us with the faith to move that mountain.  Hebrews 12:1-2 says "Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." In the amplified version the last part of that verse says "Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus. Who is the Leader and Source of our faith, and also the Finisher." Proverbs 4:25-26 says "Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path." At Church yesterday Pastor Chris said that we tend to go wherever we are looking. If that is the case which I believe it is, lets look to Jesus- not to the circumstance. When Jesus becomes bigger to us, the circumstance becomes smaller! Praise God! So find a Word to stand on and look to Jesus! The Word is truth and we know that the truth sets us free. John 8:36 says "So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free." The other day I was burdened by an emotional pain that kept coming to surface, I was asking God to lift it off of me, I was tired of thinking about it and tired of the pain that came with those thoughts. God led me to Psalm 30:11-12 "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing  praises to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever." God has already lifted that burden from me and is clothing me with joy. That's the Word I'm going to stand on and that Word is truth and since that truth has been revealed to me I am truly free of that burden! Jesus said so :)

Obedient to carry it out

Do you ever feel burdened or compelled to carry out a task? Something that just becomes so heavy on your heart to do? This past month or so I’ve had something like this, an urging on the inside that I cannot ignore, but to choose to be obedient to what God asks of me even when it seems hard. He knows what I can handle and gives me the strength to do it. This task became hard because of the reminder of the emotional baggage that came with it, I found myself asking God to lighten the load and I was tempted to ask if there was a way I could stop doing as He asked me, the task was one that I wanted to do, but I couldn’t block my emotions from it. It was giving and loving with no return, to continue to pray for someone without really seeing results myself but trusting that God was at work. It became draining trying to pour myself into someone who didn’t really care. As I was whining to God, He gave this picture of His love. How He constantly loves and gives to people who reject it or are ignorant to it. But that doesn’t stop God from loving and for pursuing His people. I then realized that I was looking at it selfishly, if God can constantly pour Himself into people, love people, give to people and die for people who reject Him, I can strive to do the same for someone who rejects me. I’m amazed at how deep our Father’s love is, that rejection never stops His compassion- what true love He has for us! I would encourage you to continue being obedient even when it seems hard, there is a purpose God has laid that task on your heart, and He will help you carry it out.
“You are their glorious strength. It pleases You to make us strong.” Psalm 89:17

He calls me Hephzibah

A couple weeks ago the word “Hephzibah” kept coming across my path, I knew it was in the Bible but I didn’t know where and I didn’t know what it meant. I felt God was bringing this word to my attention for a purpose so I looked it up, “Hephzibah” in Hebrew means “The Lord’s delight is in her.” It is used in Isaiah 62 “The LORD will hold you in His hand for all to see- a splendid crown in the hand of God. Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City” or “The Desolate Land.” Your new name will be Hephzibah, “The City of God’s Delight” and “The Bride of God,” for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as His bride.”  Verses 3-4 a little further down in the second part of verse 5 its says “Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.”

            I was thrilled to find the meaning of Hephzibah, there definitely was a reason God kept bringing it up. Not so much now but in the past I have struggling much with believing the deception that I was ugly, unwanted, alone and unworthy of love. God has faithfully revealed His truth to me that I have value in Him, to Him I’m beautiful and wanted- He chose me, and if I didn’t have worth He wouldn’t have sent His Son to die so I could be saved, whole, peaceful and healed. His love is so great.

            Now that I know that truth, there are still times satan tries to remind me of that old deception I once believed. Whether it be from something someone said, a broken relationship, or just how I feel I look that day. But now I have weapons to fight back with! J God’s Word says that I am the head and not the tail, above and never beneath, no weapon formed against me can prosper, greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world, everything I put my hand to prospers, I’m seated with Christ in Heavenly places, I’m the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made and I am God’s masterpiece. And now- I know God calls me Hephzibah, no longer forsaken or desolate, but a girl in whom He delights. Now that’s powerful! Zephaniah 3:17 says “For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a Mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

            Our Mighty Savior rejoices over you with gladness! It doesn’t matter what you see when you look in the mirror, what someone has said about you, or who has given you up- you are a precious jewel to God, and He takes delight in you- He calls you Hephzibah! Don’t believe satan’s deception like I once did- know the truth and throw it back at the enemy when he’s trying to get you down. You are beautiful, loved, wanted, and very much valued in God’s eyes. The very God who created the earth thought about you, wanted you, created you, and has a plan for you. He made you good- other people’s opinions should nolonger matter, because created you with a purpose, you are His masterpiece.

Song of Songs 1:4

The last year God has taken me on an amazing faith journey. I moved away from home for the first time and started to attend Rhema Bible Training Center. God has shown me much in the past year and continually revealed His heart andWord to me. After moving away, my eyes became open to all the oppurtunitys that are available to me now. I used to be quite the home body, so it suprised even me when I moved to Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, I love my family to pieces but I'm so glad I did. I kind of see is as the time that I finally took God out of the box I put Him in. And now I want to run with Him, wherever He leads I want to follow. I've never been so hungry to serve than I have been this past year. It is my hearts desire to serve God through serving my spouse (who i believe will be in ministry) and I found myself waiting to really get into ministry until I could join my husband in a minstry team. God got my attention one day and simply told me "You don't have to wait, you have been called too". This has motivated me to start serving and doing minstry now, instead of waiting to join my spouses team. I feel strongly led to do a mission trip in the near future, especially to Haiti. I know that God is able to provide the resources and the finances for this to come to pass. I'm excited for any mission oppurtunitys to come now and in the future. There's a song that is called "Set the World On Fire" and a line that says "I wanna feed the hungry children, and reach across the farthest land. Tell the broken there is healing and mercy in the Father's hand" that line describes the cry of my heart, I think it kind of goes along with Isaiah 61 "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, for the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that capitives be releasesed and prisoners will be  freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD'S favor has come, and with it the day of God's anger against their enemies. to all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for His own glory." verses 1-3. I want to do that, I want to be God's tool that He uses regardless of where it takes me. But I know it will be good, if I'm walking alongside my God, it's only good ahead.  Song of Songs 1:4 says "Draw me after You and let's run together!" thats the plan- I want to draw near to God and run with Him :)