Even When You Miss It...

            Have you ever missed it? Like felt like you were in the right place at the right time only to find out you were wrong? Well since we are all human, I’m sure we can all answer yes to this question, the thing is what do we do and where do we go once we’ve realized we have missed it.  I can recall past times that I thought I had heard from God and was walking in something so confidently until it was pulled out from underneath me and I quickly learned that I hadn’t listened to God but to my own emotions.  I find myself in that same boat today, disappointed in myself that once again I have allowed myself to be led by my emotions and feelings instead of by the Spirit of God. Disappointed that it’s because of me that I am in this spot, that I once again have missed it. It makes me wonder why God would want to continue to speak to me, why should He keep directing me when in times like these I don’t listen. Why wouldn’t He want to just give up on me.  This is where some incredibly good news comes in- God will never give up on us! We are human, striving to grow in the things of God and to be more moved by the spiritual than the natural but we have not all arrived yet. These missed times don’t become wasted time but lessons learned. Times that we can draw even more near to God, repent of our disobedience and get out of our heads and back into the spirit. I found myself so upset that I hadn’t yielded to what God was trying to tell me, He knew best and if I had listened to Him I wouldn’t be where I am now. In the midst of my tears of disappointment I pictured Jesus looking at me across the room with love and compassion in His eyes telling me that He’s not done with me, He’s not taking back His plans for my life because I missed here, and that if I could just realize His love for me, the true depth of it I wouldn’t stay in the place of disappointment. I found myself wanting to look down from where I pictured Jesus because I was ashamed, but He lifted my head and wanted to see my eyes. Us missing it doesn’t make God love us less, He wants to pick us back up, dust us off, love on us and put us right back on track.   When I had missed it in the past this one particular time God had spoke to me one day and said “Kayla, it doesn’t matter if you missed it, or if they missed it, you’re not missing it now because you are walking in step with Me and I never miss it! You’re moving forward and it’s your turn, it’s your turn, it’s your turn to rise up and walk in what I have for you.”  You see, we can’t rise up and walk in what God has for us if our face is to the floor in despair and disappointment, we’ve got to peel our heads up, stand up and walk!  And know that just because you messed up   doesn’t mean God is leaving you out on your own.  He’s standing there with open arms and a forgiving and loving heart. I love that God cares about us so much that He gives us exactly what we need when we are hurting from our own mess. And for me yesterday that was John 14:27 in the Amplified “Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]” That couldn’t have been more perfect for what I needed at the time, and now I have something to stand on. If you have missed it, don’t keep your focus on that and stop letting yourself feel guilty and disappointed. Rather focus on what you do know you have heard God tell you, go back to the last time that you knew that you knew He was leading you some direction and go full force towards that. For me, that is going to Indiana this summer to do an internship with One Mission Society to work with their anti-human trafficking department.  God has blown me away with His confirmation that that is where I am supposed to be this summer so I have high expectations, and I know I will be stretched and I’m looking forward to the growth that comes with that! So now, I’m running with Jehovah full speed towards what He has asked me to do.  The enemy isn’t catching me in his traps to distract me anymore, so he best move out the way because God has plans for this girl! And she fully intends on walking in them. His plans for you are BIG too, even if you have missed it in the past, leave it in the past, move forward and walk in what God has for you!

Running with Jehovah,

Kayla Jo

When Green And Red Seem To Make Blue

Do you ever find yourself dreading the approaching holiday's? Or maybe you just want to rush through them and go through the motions and get it over with. We are probably well aware that for many people this season brings up pain, lonliness and heartache. I was suprised to start to sense myself in that category this year. I love the Christmas season, all of it, the meaning, the hope, the light, the music, the quality time etc. and I have never been one to be bummed of it's coming. Until this year. I found myself teary with every Christmas song and decoration. You see....I started dwelling on the past, the memories and the reality of how things are now that left me feeling broken on the inside once again, not only the brokenness but other stresses that kept coming to surface. I went through a few days where I couldn't face the Christmas season, nor did I want to, I couldn't see the real reason for Christmas past my cloudy vision of my current circumstances. I was hurting, and was having a hard time feeling jolly when the enemy kept reminding me of past hurt and brokenness that I have already been healed from.I was not a fan of feeling this way! So how did I get over it? A lot of the time I get frustrated because I know what I'm supposed to do to get better it's just the application of that that is the hard part. But one day as I was driving home from work I was feeling really down and out, things and emotions were piling up. I started thinking about how all the things I was dealing with were a LIE in comparison to what the Word says about me. God wants me to believe His report, and in His Word/report I am NOT broken, sick, lacking or alone! So that tells me that all of those things are subject to change and the Word is not. So I told God that I will believe His report regardless of what I'm seeing in the natural. Then I yelled at the devil, as the Word says he should have NO place in my life, he has to take his hands off in the name of Jesus! Then....I made myself blast praise music and sing it like I've never sang it before. And guess what?! It worked! Then I started thinking about one of the things that minutes before would have brought me down...a Christmas song. God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen, the part that really got a hold of me was "tidings of comfort and joy" that's what Jesus brought when He came and that's what He has for me this season still. Comfort and joy :) And what I loved about all this was my circumstances didn't change, but my attitude did, because God filled me with His joy. The joy of the Lord truly is our strength :) If you are fiinding yourself a little blue this Christmas season, cling to God and believe His report! Give no place to the devil and don't let  him steal your Christmas spirit like I started to allow him. Jesus gave us authority over that sucker but it's up to us to use it. And most of all...remember the real reason for Christmas and why Jesus came and when He did He brought comfort and joy and that comfort and joy is still for you this 2011 Christmas season. Lay those burdens down and be blessed!
"Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased." Luke 2:14

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor,^[a] Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuRu-4OI9dw One of my favorite Christmas songs! He Has Come For Us! (not too sure how great the video is :) )

Me getting into the Christmas spirit for a Christmas event at Church

We matched :)

The pretty Christmas tree and lights Britt put up

Britt and I watching the Grinch....she for a change was the one that fell asleep. Love my roomie sister!

Restless

I work at a preschool in the class with four year olds and everyday at naptime we pat the kids that have a hard time falling asleep. Well there is one little boy Cole, who I probably spend 15-20 minutes patting to sleep everyday. Cole is restless when it comes time to go to sleep, he can't be still or quiet for that matter, he constantly has to be turning over or tapping his foot or making a clicking noise with his mouth. I know that if he would just be still...he'd be out. Today as I was doing my routine trying to get Cole to sleep, patting his back and rubbing his head I felt God tell me that how Cole acts at naptime with me is how I act with God. I will go through something hurtful or difficult and beg God for peace, comfort and rest but I won't be still long enough to recieve it. Like Cole, I get restless and I start to worry and panic and try to figure things out on my own. When all the while God knows that if I would just be still, I'd be peaceful, calm and rested. But because I get restless, the process to peace takes longer, God will 'pat me' until I find rest, whereas if I would just be still from the beginning, I'd have it.

I remember one night a while back someone who I deeply cared for was mad at me or frustrated I don't really know but they were not responding to me. And if you know me- you probably know that I'm not one for confrontation, and I'm not a fan of when I disappoint someone. Who is for that matter. Bedtime approached and I could not stop thinking about this person not responding to me and being upset, I wanted things to be right again before I fell asleep but that wasn't the case. I remember picturing Jesus sitting on my bed and rubbing my head and telling me to close my eyes. And everytime I opened them Jesus said "Do you trust Me?" and I would reply with "Yes" and He would say "Then close your eyes" That went on til I finally fell asleep.  I believe that rest comes with trust, if we are trusting God to handle whatever it is we are not going to remain uptight and restless.

A few weeks ago something came up that brought up a lot of pain and it really hurt me, and I thought it was something that could affect my future. When I found this out I was eating dinner and immediately lost my appetite, because I was sad and I was worried and concerned...and well, hurt. My roommate was quick to be the crying shoulder I needed. She encouraged me and prayed with me and then off we went to a college Church service. In the past finding out something like this would have really affected my evening, let alone my week. I would have camped out in fear and worry. But this night after we prayed I had peace and I really didn't understand it. I remember when we were in the car on our way to Church my roommate looked over and said "It's going to be okay Kayla" and I was thinking "I know! I don't know how I know but I am so peaceful and it doesn't make sense" Church was the same way....instead of balling in despair it was an amazing time of worship, and I just kept reminding God that I do trust Him. And in return...He reminded me who I am in Him. It was amazing. I pictured Jesus standing in front of me holding my face with tears in His eyes telling me "You are no longer rejected, you belong". Guys...God cares about the condition of our hearts, He cares about what concerns us or hurts us. I think that's why I saw tears in Jesus' eyes, because it hurts Him when I feel rejected and broken, and He so badly wants me to know who I am in Him. That's when I will be complete. I'm made whole because of Him, regardless of what this world throws at me.

I just want to encourage you guys to be still....don't fight the rest that God has provided you. Trust Him and you will remain at peace. We serve a trustworthy God, David says in Psalms "Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread." (Psalm 37:25) Just a few verses ahead of that one we are told that the Lord delights in every detail of our lives and that though we may stumble, we will never fall because God holds us by the hand. He doesn't fail us....ever! So trust Him with whatever is concerning or burdening your heart today and get some rest!

"Then Jesus said, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Blessed

I was dealing with a lot of changes when I first returned to Tulsa but wow! God has blessed me. This year I moved into a house with 3 girls and God has used these amazing beautiful girls to teach me something everyday. He has filled our house with laughter and encouragement for sure, there is not much time to feel down around our household because there is always someone right on your heels making you laugh and speaking the Word to lift you back up again. It's amazing and exactly what I need in this season of my life. I love being surrounded by girls my age facing the same things, it's very edifying! God has blessed me in a big way with my new Oklahoma family, I am very thankful for these sisters!

Brinni and I on picture day :) She was my roommate last year and one of them this year as well. Definately a blessing to me!

Harmony and I at dinner. One of my new roommates and the one I share a room with.

Brittney and I at dinner as well. Yep, two Britt's in one house plus a sister back home named Brittany. A lot of Brits but they are all such a blessing to me!

This is our kitchen at our new house :) I was excited that it was painted red because I've always wanted a red kitchen

Our living room, nothing on the walls yet but we will get there. Those couches are super comfy!

My side of Harmony and I's room :)

My other half

This is my new favorite place in Tulsa, the resevoir. There is a 2 and a half mile track that goes around it and it is beautiful. It's great for exercise and some Jesus time!

The field on the other side of the track at the resevoir

Saw this on the track at the resevoir while I was walking. I love when God shows me random hearts :) He loves!

All in all things are going great here, school registration and orientation started this week, so it won't be long and I will be back in the classroom. I am excited to see what God has in store this year, He keeps bringng up the word "amazed" to me. It's time to be amazed by an AMAZING God! Lately I have been struggling with something I have in my heart that has been rejected, I look at it as a box that wants to give, bless and love, but that box has been rejected and I have been asking God what to do with that "box". How can you give, love and bless someone or something that has turned away from it. I guess it kind of mirrors God's love, He gives to, blesses and LOVES even the ones that reject Him. Wow! He is a strong loving God. Anyways God reminded me of something He told me a while back which was "you just love and I will take care of the rest" so that's the plan. As I was unpacking my things I kept finding random prayers in notebooks that I had written and in the last one I found I had thanked God for the call to love. It was a great reminder, we have been called to love period, whether that love be received or rejected we are to give it. And I believe we will reap a blessing if we press on and continue to walk in the call to love, even when its' hard. Last night at Church the message had spoke to me so much. It was about how the steps we take today are going to determine our destination tomorrow. They were reminding us that "direction not intention determines destination". They had brought up how even sometimes we may be taking the right steps and are on the right path but we are not yet seeing the results but to NOT give up because it's just around the corner! What encouragement! During prayer time I had decided to give that "box" of love in my heart to God, I will strive to give, bless and love Him, His name can go on that box. And I felt God tell me "Kayla, I am commited to you, I want you and I will never reject your love for me, but will always welcome it with open arms." I know a lot of the times we need to keep ourselves in check on if we are commited to God which is good but I guess I hadn't really thought of how God is commited to me. As girls I believe we long for commitment and when someone breaks that it really shakes us BUT God has made a commitment with me and He won't walk away from it. That's True Love right there!

Be blessed my friends, and walk in what God has for you today! He promised it to be good!

Changes and Goodbyes

Well I'm back in Oklahoma now, stuff is moved in our house and now the task at hand is unpacking. Even though I was here last year much has changed. And I have found that I am one that (depending on what they are) is not the most fond of change. I'm learning what it's like to have roots down in more than one place, and how I need to strive to be intentional with the people I come across and then have the pain of leaving them once I move. I'm someone who needs people (let's be honest: we all do) and I get attached easily so it's hard to say goodbye. As much as goodbyes and changes are uncomfortable I feel they are going to be a part of my life for some time. I feel called to ministry and to take oppurtunites that God puts in my path. At this point in time I don't quite know what that looks like, could be the mission field overseas, a stateside ministry or just joining my spouse in the minstry God is calling us to. With any of these there could be change, but what I'm pumped about is that as much as change and goodbyes are hard to adjust to God's strength works best in my weaknesses! I love that! Also, I can do all things through Christ so even when the calling seems hard and unreachable it is possible because of Jesus! I'm entering my second and last year of Bible school, with this I find myself excited about the oppurtunites that I am going to get to walk in after this school year. Again, I have no idea what they will be but I'm confident that God will show me in His perfect timing. The question isn't if I'm called, but more so where to. The unknown is exciting and yet a little nerve wrecking at the same time :) but I don't have to fear, just walk in obedience and then I will be walking right into what God has for me. 
One of my friends always talks about being intentional, and I think God taught me this summer what that really looks like. It also became on of the reasons it made it hard to leave again, new relationships were started and old ones were strengthened. Now, it's time to uplift roots for a little while and be intentional in good ole Broken Arrow Oklahoma. I don't want to waste any time or oppurtunity that God gives me here. I think I finally get that now :) We always talk about loving God and loving people and it's time to put that into action. I know how much in my own life I crave relationships with people, God made us that way, so I want to be a tool that God uses in someone elses life. (haha side note: sitting in a restaurant and this little boy keeps leaving his mom to come stand by me and smile. :) adorable kid lol) So let's not forget that two are better than one, we are here for purpose and a lot of that purpose if not all of it has to do with people :)

 ⁹ Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Kind of a random post but it was what has been going on in my head these past few days :)

When I got to tulsa yesterday I was feeling a plethera of emotions and a bit overwhelmed, then I saw the rays shining down from these clouds and just felt peace come over me. God was reminding me that He is near :)

Multiplier of Love

The other day when I was washing my hair I had the radio on and the song "Whatever You're doing" by Sanctus Real was playing. The chorus says "Whatever You're dong inside of me/ It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace/ It's hard to surrender to what I can't see/ but I'm giving in to something Heavenly"  which I love, then the end of the song picks up and the lyrics are "Whatever You're doing inside of me/ It feels like chaos but now I can see/ You're up to something bigger than me/ Larger than life, something Heavenly" About this time I was squirting conditioner in my hand, and the conditioner now in my hand came out in the shape of a heart which I thought was cool, with my next few squirts of conditioner I figured it would mess the heart up, but no....the heart just got bigger! I felt God was saying "See Kayla, I'm always a muliplier of love"  And even though sometimes whatever is going on in me seems like chaos and I don't quite understand, I don't have to fear because God is Love, and His perfect love is casting out all fear. The result will  be good  because my God is a  multipliier of love and He's up to something bigger than me! :) Just when I thought the conditioner heart would mess up, He multiplied it, that's quite applicable for me today. When I"m at a point where I think things are messy, He makes beauty out of it. :)

"And we know (understand, recognize, are conscious of, by observation and by experience) and believe (adhere to and put faith in and rely on) the love God cherishes for us. God is love, and he who dwells and continues in love dwells and continues in God, and God dwells and continues in him." 1 John 4:16 amplified

-It's not the same heart God made the other day :)

Rise up and walk!

I love when God reminds us of something He told us in the past to help us in the now. I was having one of those days that I was allowing the past to come back up and hurt me, it made me feel like I was lacking, not good enough and simply broken. These thoughts brought me back to a hurt place that I was in the beginning of the summer, and I am not a fan of backsliding so praise God for Him pulling me back up! At one point in my day as I hung my head God simply said in my spirit "Rise up and walk daughter!" :) This is cool because in the beginning of the summer as I was going through a hurtful time I remember God tugging on my heart and saying "It doesn't matter if you missed it or if they missed it. You are not missing it now because you're walking in step with Me and I never miss it! I have you in the right place at the right time and you are going to get the right result! You are moving forward and it's your turn, it's your turn, it's your turn! To rise up and walk in what I have for you!" God was showing me that I couldn't walk in what He had for me if my face was to the floor in despair. And He reminded me of that again today- it doesn't matter what the circumstance looks like in the natural, God already promised the future to be good, He promised to never leave us and to never fail us. If we trust Him, there's no way we can lose! So let's stand up, so that we can walk in what our loving Father has set before us! He promised it to be good! Don't get tripped up in the traps that the enemy tries to put before you. My spiritual mentor reminded me today that satan may prowl around like a lion seeking whom he may devour but we cannot forget that Jesus already took his teeth and claws away! What kind of harm is a lion with no teeth and claws? It's roar may be frightening, it's size intimidating, it may even knock you down, but with no weapons it can't keep you there! The emotional hurt I was feeling today and the eye doctor report I received last week were just a loud roar from the enemy, haha but he can't hurt me! he is just trying to distract me to take my eyes off my King, and clothe me with fear, but no! he can't do what we won't allow him to do! God gave us victory over that sucker! So like my mentor said to me today "stand up and brush that junk off your back and get your eyes back on Jesus!" Rise up and walk!

" Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path." Proverbs 4:25-26